Category: airlines

air hostess blog, airlines, flight attendant blog, flying, funny, TravelLeave a comment

Red Wine told you so…..

cabincrewsue

On a recent 8hour flight I came across a gentleman in his twenties who seemed to really be taking advantage of our selection of red wines that we have on board. Ten minutes after his first small bottle he requested another. He quickly finished this and followed it with another ten minutes later, and so this continued for the next hour or so. I watched him drag himself up from his seat falling over his own feet as he did so and tumble towards the lavatory. He stared hungrily at every woman under the age of 50years with uncomfortable lust, … Continue reading Red Wine told you so…..

air hostess blog, airlines, flight attendant blog, flying, funny, funny, travel, Travel3 Comments

Female Captain

cabincrewsue

Today I received a round of applause from a group of passengers listening to this conversation. Male Passenger: Excuse me , is that a FEMALE Captain that made the PA? (Sounding utterly disgusted) Me: Yes, it is. we find that we tend to arrive earlier with female captains. Male Passenger: (extremely loudly) Oh do they get priority then? Probably because they can’t park the plane. *chuckle chuckle* Me: No Sir, they ask for directions! And……. Queue the applause! Continue reading Female Captain

air hostess blog, airlines, flight attendant blog, flying, Travel2 Comments

True story that happened to me a few months ago.

cabincrewsue

Tonight I met the most amazing 5-year old on my flight who had recently finished treatment for leukemia but was still very unwell. After I looked after him, helped his mother to change his clothes and wash him down he came to see me in the galley where a gentleman was a little unhappy with the choice of vodka on board was abruptly telling me how grey goose was the best. 5 year old Aaron tugged on his shirt and the gentleman knelt down beside him.  Aaron looked straight in his eyes and said “Hey Mister, don’t be rude to … Continue reading True story that happened to me a few months ago.

air hostess blog, airlines, flight attendant blog, flying, funny, funny, travel, Travel3 Comments

What’s the difference between God and a Captain?

cabincrewsue

There is an old joke…… What is the difference between God and a Captain? God doesn’t think he’s a Captain After years of flying I can certainly see where this joke comes from. Ok…………. So I don’t fully believe that my Captain thinks that he’s god. Maybe just a uniformed version of Surya, the Hindi Sun God. The Golden Warrior arriving on a chariot pulled by seven white horses. Or in my case a tanned dweeb arriving in a huge metal dildo guided by four huge engines. Switching religions I would like to draw your attention to the Catholic tradition … Continue reading What’s the difference between God and a Captain?

air hostess blog, airlines, flight attendant blog, flying, funny, funny, travel, Travel4 Comments

Seat Etiquette

cabincrewsue

Ok, so travelling amongst other (mainly) human beings can be a little difficult, especially in economy when your knees are firmly lodged in your nostrils. So in order, to promote harmony amongst passengers I have put together some seat etiquette rules to help you on your travels. Getting on the Plane: Offense: That humungous bag on your shoulder is hitting every passenger in the face as walk past on the way to your seat. What to do if you are the offender? Remove your bag before you give someone a black eye, dumbass! What to do if you are the … Continue reading Seat Etiquette

airlines, funny, TravelLeave a comment

Golden Shower

cabincrewsue

One of the most important lessons that a young Hostess learns, and usually in a rather grotesque way, is to never accept what a passenger is handing to you without questioning what it is first. In my years, flying human beings have tried to hand me many a disgusting item including hand towels in which they have used to wipe their ass with, dirty diapers, bloodied tissues and false teeth (yes, I kid you not, false teeth!) However…… today I flew with a young and eager Hostess who had not learnt this lesson as of yet. As the plane was pushing back and getting ready to … Continue reading Golden Shower

airlines, flying, funny, TravelLeave a comment

Welcome On Board PA translated

cabincrewsue

Good Morning! Ladies and Gentlemen. Good Morning to all of you that have boarded our plane.  Even the family with the screaming, teething 8month old. The majority of you look like normal, well-adjusted individuals except for the strange guy who now has his hand in his pants staring at my buxom colleague. Welcome onboard this flight to Sydney, Australia. Especially that gorgeous hunk of man meat seated at 17D. Please let me know if you need your seatbelt adjusting, I am here to pleasure you. My name is Sue and I am your purser on board today. In other words, … Continue reading Welcome On Board PA translated

airlines, flying, funny, TravelLeave a comment

You know you’re a Flight Deck Floozy (FDF) if…..

cabincrewsue

It feels like every flight there is always one air hostess that will look forward to getting into the pilots pants and boy are they are shameless! On my last flight one good-looking, 21year old hostess was so blatant in her flirting that we cringed every time we watched her saunter her way to the cockpit.  And we weren’t the only ones.  The captain tried so hard to get away from her clutches that I bumped into him in the gym at midnight during our stop over in the hotel.  When I asked him what he was doing there he told me that he had … Continue reading You know you’re a Flight Deck Floozy (FDF) if…..

airlines, flying, funny, Travel2 Comments

You know you’ve been Air Hostess for too long if…………….. Sorry to the non-crew (civillian) readers

cabincrewsue

You’ve been a flight attendant too long if…. 1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter. 2. You search for a button to flush the toilet . 3. You look for the “crew line” at the grocery store. 4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard. 5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them 6. You NEVER unpack 7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces 8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage … Continue reading You know you’ve been Air Hostess for too long if…………….. Sorry to the non-crew (civillian) readers