Female Captain

Today I received a round of applause from a group of passengers listening to this conversation. Male Passenger: Excuse me , is that a FEMALE Captain that made the PA? (Sounding utterly disgusted) Me: Yes, it is. we find that we tend to arrive earlier with female captains. Male Passenger: (extremely loudly) Oh do they get priority then? Probably because they can’t park the plane. *chuckle chuckle* Me: No Sir, they ask for directions! And……. Queue the applause! Advertisements Continue reading Female Captain

What’s the difference between God and a Captain?

There is an old joke…… What is the difference between God and a Captain? God doesn’t think he’s a Captain After years of flying I can certainly see where this joke comes from. Ok…………. So I don’t fully believe that my Captain thinks that he’s god. Maybe just a uniformed version of Surya, the Hindi Sun God. The Golden Warrior arriving on a chariot pulled by seven white horses. Or in my case a tanned dweeb arriving in a huge metal dildo guided by four huge engines. Switching religions I would like to draw your attention to the Catholic tradition … Continue reading What’s the difference between God and a Captain?

Seat Etiquette

Ok, so travelling amongst other (mainly) human beings can be a little difficult, especially in economy when your knees are firmly lodged in your nostrils. So in order, to promote harmony amongst passengers I have put together some seat etiquette rules to help you on your travels. Getting on the Plane: Offense: That humungous bag on your shoulder is hitting every passenger in the face as walk past on the way to your seat. What to do if you are the offender? Remove your bag before you give someone a black eye, dumbass! What to do if you are the … Continue reading Seat Etiquette

Funny

Found this on another bloggers page and it made me giggle 🙂 After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the … Continue reading Funny

Toilet Trauma in China

Last night I had a friend of mine over for dinner who is also a air hostess and she told me a story that was just too funny not to share with you all. Recently she had been rostered a trip to China and when she checked what other crew members were on the flight she realised that there was a first officer that she secretly fancied on the flight too. Deciding that this would be her opportunity to get him to notice her she decided to pack a sexy casual outfit (white skinny jeans and a sexy little top) … Continue reading Toilet Trauma in China

Fainting at 40000ft

The worst thing about flights longer than ten hours is we usually have at least one person faint due to dehydration, hypoxia, not moving around for long periods of time or sometimes more serious problems. We’re trained to deal with such cases and have medical equipment on board to help us with this. So we dont usually panic and tend to switch into autopilot when dealing with these cases. Recently I was operating on a 14 hour flight when around hour 9 of the flight I saw a gentleman stand from his seat and stagger towards me uneasily. As I … Continue reading Fainting at 40000ft

Lizard in my Room!

Earlier in the year I was in a hotel in Indonesia and had spotted a smallish gheko in my room when I checked in.  During my teenage years I had dated a guy who used to keep lizards and knew that this little gheko would cause no harm so decided I would capture him and release him onto the hotel balcony. For 45 minutes I climbed, I dived, I smashed two of the hotel glasses and laddered my stockings trying to catch this little bast/lizz-ard with no luck, so eventually I decided I would phone the hotel Reception and ask for help. … Continue reading Lizard in my Room!