What’s the difference between God and a Captain?

There is an old joke…… What is the difference between God and a Captain?
God doesn’t think he’s a Captain


After years of flying I can certainly see where this joke comes from. Ok…………. So I don’t fully believe that my Captain thinks that he’s god. Maybe just a uniformed version of Surya, the Hindi Sun God. The Golden Warrior arriving on a chariot pulled by seven white horses. Or in my case a tanned dweeb arriving in a huge metal dildo guided by four huge engines.

Switching religions I would like to draw your attention to the Catholic tradition of Holy Communion. To me the aviation version of this is when the slimy Captain insists that all crew join him in the hotel for one drink after the flight. Something you might not necessarily want to do but feel obliged to do.

When a passenger gets out of control we will threaten them will telling the Captain about their behavior. Much like a parent scolds their naughty child by saying that Santa will not bring any presents or you will go to hell as God sees all. But as with Santa and God, you will never see the Captain, but alas he sees all.

As Cabin Crew we are like preachers. Sharing the Captain’s words. When we make our PA and welcome you on board (to mass) it is always on behalf of our Captain.

In fact being on board is a lot like going to Mass. A high number of strangers gathering in one place, normally those that would never chose to sit beside one another unless they are on board or at mass. All praying for a safe flight and putting their blind faith into the Captain to deliver them to another land safely. The Purser is the preacher and the crew are the alter boys, all singing chicken or beef in mismatched harmony.

I mean lets face it……… It is a miracle in itself that a huge metal tube can run kitchens, bars, toilets and showers even, flying at 38000ft and travel several thousand miles delivering all of its parishioners safely to another land.


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