You know you’re a Flight Deck Floozy (FDF) if…..

It feels like every flight there is always one air hostess that will look forward to getting into the pilots pants and boy are they are shameless!

On my last flight one good-looking, 21year old hostess was so blatant in her flirting that we cringed every time we watched her saunter her way to the cockpit.  And we weren’t the only ones.  The captain tried so hard to get away from her clutches that I bumped into him in the gym at midnight during our stop over in the hotel.  When I asked him what he was doing there he told me that he had really been looking forward to having a beer with the Co-Pilot however, as the ‘Praying Mantis’ had invited herself and he didn’t think his wife would appreciate the hip-swaying, lip pouting, gagging for it 2 year old temptation on plate joining him for a drink.

Here’s a few points to recognise if you’ve become a Sky-high Slapper.

  1. You check the Captain’s hand when he enters the room to see if he has either a wedding ring or tan line.
  2. You don’t really care about either of the above anyway.
  3. You unbutton the top button of your blouse when in the cockpit, lean forward at every opportunity you get and hike up your skirt in order to “adjust” your stockings so that the pilots can get a good flash of thigh.
  4. You ask the Captain “So what aircraft did you fly before?” Pur-lease bitch!! Like you know the difference.
  5. When the crew are having a drink together, you roll your shoulders and complain of shoulder ache then blush when the Co-Pilot starts to rub your shoulders.
  6. You feel the jealous bile rising up to your throat when he speaks to another Air Hostess, even though she’s 20lbs overweight and has the facial hair of a prepubescent boy.
  7. You wear your highest Louboutins to the Great Wall of China so that the poor Co Pilot nearly ends up giving you a piggy back halfway!
  8. You spend an hour in the Cockpit talking about your past “modelling” whilst your colleague manages a sick child/collapsed OAP/passenger giving birth in the galley.
  9. You put on the Captain’s hat, you don’t look cute, just stupid. Bear in mind the only others to wear his hat is probably his son/daughter/niece/nephew.  So you’ve just reminded him of a 5year old. Smooooth!



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