Seat Etiquette

Ok, so travelling amongst other (mainly) human beings can be a little difficult, especially in economy when your knees are firmly lodged in your nostrils. So in order, to promote harmony amongst passengers I have put together some seat etiquette rules to help you on your travels. Getting on the Plane: Offense: That humungous bag on your shoulder is hitting every passenger in the face as walk past on the way to your seat. What to do if you are the offender? Remove your bag before you give someone a black eye, dumbass! What to do if you are the … Continue reading Seat Etiquette

Golden Shower

One of the most important lessons that a young Hostess learns, and usually in a rather grotesque way, is to never accept what a passenger is handing to you without questioning what it is first. In my years, flying human beings have tried to hand me many a disgusting item including hand towels in which they have used to wipe their ass with, dirty diapers, bloodied tissues and false teeth (yes, I kid you not, false teeth!) However…… today I flew with a young and eager Hostess who had not learnt this lesson as of yet. As the plane was pushing back and getting ready to … Continue reading Golden Shower

Welcome On Board PA translated

Good Morning! Ladies and Gentlemen. Good Morning to all of you that have boarded our plane.  Even the family with the screaming, teething 8month old. The majority of you look like normal, well-adjusted individuals except for the strange guy who now has his hand in his pants staring at my buxom colleague. Welcome onboard this flight to Sydney, Australia. Especially that gorgeous hunk of man meat seated at 17D. Please let me know if you need your seatbelt adjusting, I am here to pleasure you. My name is Sue and I am your purser on board today. In other words, … Continue reading Welcome On Board PA translated

You know you’re a Flight Deck Floozy (FDF) if…..

It feels like every flight there is always one air hostess that will look forward to getting into the pilots pants and boy are they are shameless! On my last flight one good-looking, 21year old hostess was so blatant in her flirting that we cringed every time we watched her saunter her way to the cockpit.  And we weren’t the only ones.  The captain tried so hard to get away from her clutches that I bumped into him in the gym at midnight during our stop over in the hotel.  When I asked him what he was doing there he told me that he had … Continue reading You know you’re a Flight Deck Floozy (FDF) if…..

You know you’ve been Air Hostess for too long if…………….. Sorry to the non-crew (civillian) readers

You’ve been a flight attendant too long if…. 1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter. 2. You search for a button to flush the toilet . 3. You look for the “crew line” at the grocery store. 4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard. 5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them 6. You NEVER unpack 7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces 8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage … Continue reading You know you’ve been Air Hostess for too long if…………….. Sorry to the non-crew (civillian) readers

For anyone who’s had a bad experience with a low cost airline!

Ok so the title is for pretty much everyone that has ever flown with a low cost airline!! Ryanair’s Micheal O’Leary arrives in a hotel in Dublin, he goes to the bar and asks for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, “That will be one Euro please, Mr. O’Leary.” Somewhat taken aback, O’Leary replied, “That’s very cheap,” and handed over his money. “Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition”, said the barman. “And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest beer in Ireland” “That is … Continue reading For anyone who’s had a bad experience with a low cost airline!