Ever been on a fart-smelling flight?
If we do not like you we will fart when we walk past your seat. So sit back, sniff up and think about what you did to offend us?
The ever ringing call bell.
If you are traveling with a small child and you keep hearing a call bell it is probably your brat/bundle of joy doing it! Do us all a favor and install some discipline into little Johnny!
The lavatory door
The lavatory door says PUSH, so why do you think it will open by you pulling out the fucking ashtray?
Don’t touch me.
I mean this! Would you walk into a bank and start tapping on the tellers hip when she is obviously serving someone else. TWAT!
If we are medically assisting the passenger unconscious on the floor in front of you, please have the common sense not to ask me for a Gin and Tonic at this time.
Why are you asking me is it OK to use the toilet when the plane is on the ground. Seriously, why would it not be? I just don’t get it!
“Would you like the Chicken or the Beef Sir?”
Please do not tell me “Lamb” unless you would like to wear the Chicken on your head and the Beef on your lap.
When the plane is delayed and the Captain has made a PA to tell you that it is due to technical problems, do not call me over and ask “What’s the problem?” Seriously, do I look like the engineer? Would you understand what the problem was even if I could tell you? Are you going to go out and offer a hand?
Emergency Exit Seats.
You approach a cabin crew to tell her that you requested a seat at the emergency exit. Errrr…. OK, but so did the other 300 passengers on the plane, going to be a bit crowded if you all get what you want.
Tea or Coffee
If we offer you tea. And you can see that we only have one teapot. Why do you raise your eyebrows and reply “Coffee?” Oh hold on a minute, you must be a bloody magician because it just changed into coffee.
Do not take pictures of us without our consent, we can see you and it is very uncomfortable standing there pretending that we do not know you are doing it.. We are not Britney Spears and you are not the Paparazzi! Just ask!!! We’ll happily generate a fake smile for you. After all, that is what we’re paid to do!
You’ve just been asleep for the last four hours, mouth open, snoring your head off. So when you call us over to ask for something, please speak up so that we do not have to lean in to you and stop ourselves vomiting all over you because your breath smells like a dead dog’s ass!